Finding out that your spouse had an affair has to be one of the worst feelings imaginable. Suddenly, the foundation of your entire life is shaken and you feel so disoriented and lost. Here I want to help you learn how to trust again after an affair, since so many people have such a difficult time rebuilding that trust in their relationship.
What many people don’t realize is that there isn’t just one kind of trust. Trust isn’t just a simple thing that you either do or you don’t do. Trust is actually a more complicated thing than that. In fact there are 5 types of trust. You might fully trust someone in one of these ways, while your trust in them might be shaky in other ways.
How to Trust Again – The 5 types of trust are:
Fidelity – This is probably what most people mean when the want to know how to trust again, especially after an affair. This type of trust is about staying loyal to your partner and not straying.
Physical Trust – This type of trust is about physical safety. In abusive relationships, this is the most lacking type of trust.
Financial Trust – This involves a basic sense of financial security and knowing that there will be enough money to handle the basic expenses of life.
Emotional Trust – This is another common type of trust issue following an affair. To learn how to trust after an affair, you need to cultivate emotional predictability so that both of you know that you will be there for each other emotionally.
Truthfulness – This type of trust is important as well. The simple act of honesty and truthfulness is a type of trust as well. If your spouse lied to you about parts of the affair, then this is going to be a big issue to overcome as well.
No matter which type of trust you are trying to rebuild, you must realize that how to trust again, especially how to trust after an affair, revolves heavily around transparency in your relationship.
This is especially true for the person that had the affair or otherwise broke the trust, but both partners need to practice transparency.
Both you and your spouse must start being completely open and transparent about everything that you are doing in the relationship. Over time this will allow for the trust to slowly rebuild over time and eventually flourish again.
Trust will take time at first. That’s okay. You will have to make a conscious effort to trust your partner. This is all part of learning how to trust again. Let that be okay and have faith that the trust will come easier as you continue to build it and repair your relationship.
In learning how to trust again, you develop confidence in yourself and your relationship. When you learn to trust another person, you are actually on an unconscious level cultivating trust in yourself and your own judgments, and this in it’s self makes trust one of the most important things in a relationship and in life.
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