You probably have a lot on your mind, worrying about your husband keeping things from you or that he might love the other woman more than you. But is it a smart idea to to confront the other woman either to give her a piece of your mind or just have an honest talk?
Well, it can actually go both ways. It might help or it might hurt.
Here are some things to keep in mind before confronting the other woman in an affair:
What Does She Know? – Does the other woman know that your husband and you are married? Or is she in the dark about your relationship? If she doesn’t already know, then confronting the other woman and letting her know that you and your husband are in a relationship can make her want to stop the affair.
However, if she is well aware that your husband has two women in his life, then this probably won’t accomplish much. In fact the other woman in an affair might get defensive and try to fight you over him. Not a pretty sight. Which brings us to…
How Will She React? - Do you know this woman? What is her personality like? Before confronting the other woman, ask yourself how she is likely to respond. Some women might become defensive or try to provoke you. Others may try to avoid conflict at all cost or back down completely.
If you think confronting her is going to have a positive effect, then perhaps it’s worth doing. But if you know that it is only going to make for more drama, then you might want to rethink your strategy. Remember that it is often quite easy to begin a confrontation, but difficult to stop one once it’s off the ground. Ask yourself if it is worth the fight.
How Will He React? – It’s also a good idea to consider how your husband will react before confronting the other woman in an affair. Will he try to protect the other woman? Will it force him to choose between you and her? Will he feel so guilty that he’ll cut off the affair?
Be careful with this. This might be the perfect opportunity for him to “prove” his love for her and leave you for good. Make sure this is something you really want to do.
What Is Your Motive? – Be honest with yourself. Are you doing this to get answers? Are you doing this to get revenge? Are you doing this to find out if he cares more about her or if he is going to leave you?
Chances are good that you’re in a very emotional place right now, and it is important to take a step back and think things through rationally. If you just want revenge or you’re trying to take out your anger on the other woman in an affair, then talking to her probably isn’t a good idea. After confronting the other woman, there really is no way to take it back, so make sure that this is something you want to do and that you’re willing to live with the possible consequences.
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Dr. Gunzburg, author of How to Survive an Affair, has over 30 years of professional experience working with couples and counseling marriages.
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