You find yourself asking questions like “why do married men chat on their wives?” and the news hits you like a cold bucket of water. You feel sort of dizzy and your stomach just dropped. It doesn’t feel real.
Here are a few common questions about married men and affairs and my answers:
Q: Why do married men cheat? Is it because I’m not attractive enough?
A: In a survey of cheating men, only 12% of them said that the other woman was more attractive than their wife. This means that the main case for infidelity is not that your husband doesn’t find you attractive any more.
In fact, chances are, the affair is the result of some unfulfilled emotional need that he has.
Q: Why do men cheat on their wives, then? Is this about sex?
A: Actually an amazing 48% of men said that the reason was emotional dissatisfaction, not sexual dissatisfaction. I know that our culture likes to portray men as bumbling idiots that only need beer, sex, and football to be happy, but the reality is quite different.
Men, just like women, have a lot of complicated needs that need to be met. However, many men are taught at a young age that it isn’t “manly” to talk about feelings. So a lot of their needs just go unmet in silence.
If you can create an open and honest marriage where both of you feel free and willing to speak your mind, then you can fix this problem over time.
Q: Why do men cheat on their wives and risk their current relationship?
A: As I said before, men tend to cheat for emotional reasons. This means that they have unmet needs. One of the most common of these is that he doesn’t feel appreciated.
If you aren’t willing to dish out the appreciation, you’d better believe that he’ll fall hard for someone who is. If a man doesn’t feel that he can get his emotional needs met from his relationship with you, then he will begin to look elsewhere.
Q: Why do married men cheat instead of working on their own relationship and needs?
A: Well, most guys don’t really make a conscious effort to go out of their way to cheat. What happens is there is an unmet emotional need in their relationship. For one reason or another, this need isn’t met. The guy likely figures that he’ll just wait and the problem will get better with time.
Then one day, he meets a woman that seems to meet that need. He develops an infatuation with that woman. Not on purpose, you can’t control how you feel. Then over time, the attraction and the chemistry between them build to the tipping point when their relationship goes from “just friends” to something else.
Most physical cheating starts out as emotional cheating. If you catch it early enough, you can fix your relationship before something really bad happens.
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Dr. Gunzburg, author of How to Survive an Affair, has over 30 years of professional experience working with couples and counseling marriages.
His program will show you how to tame the haunting images, get your emotions under control, reconnect with your partner, and rebuild the trust in your relationship. I strongly suggest you check out Marriage Sherpa today.