It can be a very difficult time in your life when you start to realize that your marriage just isn’t working out. What can you do? Is there anything that can save a failing marriage? Here are a few things to keep in mind that will help you save a failing marriage.
Understand, that nobody is perfect. I’m not. Your spouse isn’t. I’d be willing to bet that you aren’t either. When two imperfect people get married, the resulting marriage sure isn’t going to be perfect either. I hate to burst your bubble, but “happily ever after” doesn’t exists.
Think of it like this: Perfection is a bit like the horizon. No matter how much you may work and struggle to get to the horizon and no matter how far you travel, it remains elusive and out of reach. Trying to find a perfect relationship or make your partner into the perfect lover is equally as impossible.
One trait that successful marriages have is that both partners are realistic about things. They don’t expect perfection. They understand that people are human and we make mistakes.
Married life isn’t simply an continuation of dating life. Marriage is something more. It is an opportunity to deepen your connection and strengthen your commitments despite any shortcomings. The first step to save a failing marriage is to understand that perfection is a myth.
Save a Failing Marriage: Syncing Up the Shared Vision
How often do we take the time to talk with our partner about what we hope married life is like before Wedding Day? Probably not as often as we should.
Your wife may think that the ideal married life involves 2 happy children and taking cross-country family road trips. Or your husband might think that married life is coming home from work each day to a delicious meal and a cold beer and then drifting off to sleep while holding you tight.
If it seems like you and your spouse are on a different wavelength and you’d like to save a failing marriage, then sit down and talk about your vision for what you want your marriage to be like. It is important to be honest both with yourself and your partner.
Save a Failing Marriage: Plot the Course
It is much more rewarding when both of you share similar goals and values. After the two of you have discussed your vision for your marriage, outline some clear actionable steps that you can take to get you from where you are now to where you want to be.
For example, if your husband works too much and you don’t feel that he spends enough time with you, it might be helpful to agree on scheduling a date night together once a week where the two of you can enjoy each other’s company and work on strengthening your connection.
Oftentimes in order to save a failing marriage you need to have clear goals that you both can work toward.
The final thing you need to keep in mind to save a failing marriage is that it is important not to compare your marriage to the married lives of other couples. It is common for many couples to project a happy view of their relationship to the world while keeping problems secret and private from others. Don’t think that you or your partner should change to be like any other couple out there. One clue that you might be having unrealistic expectations is when you start to use the words “always” and “never.”
For example, “I will be satisfied with my marriage if I’m always happy” or “we will have a successful marriage if we never disagree.” If you’re tired of a struggling marriage, take the next step to changing your life.